RULED BY THE MOON
Chapter 2

Title: Ruled by the Moon
Author: Me, nellie_darlin
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jo's.
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius (unrequited so far!)
Rating: PG (at the moment. It will rise.)
Genre: Everything! Tis Lupin's Life!
A/N: Many millions of thanks to lyras and fireworkfiasco for the beta-ing, and their endless patience with my vacillating and sometimes shocking writing habits. Feedback is adored.

Summary: Being an account of the life of Remus J Lupin, Esquire, from his first day at Hogwarts to his last on this earth. In many chapters. Also starring Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and the various inhabitants of Hogwarts and the wizarding world.

Teaser: Remus wasn’t sure if he was glad that he wasn’t first to be sorted.



Chapter 2

Settling In


Letter from Remus Lupin to his parents, Wednesday 1st September 1971

Dear Mum and Dad,

How are you? I’m fine. You’ll never guess what house I’m in – GRYFFINDOR! I’m really happy about it, although I didn’t really have any preference before. It’s great, because there are four boys and five girls in the Gryffindor First Year, and two of them are boys I made friends with on the train. Their names are Sirius Black and James Potter and they’re really nice. James is really happy about being in Gryffindor, it’s where he wanted to go (he wants to be Quidditch Captain one day) but Sirius thought he would be in Slytherin and so is still in shock...

~*~

Remus wasn’t sure if he was glad that he wasn’t first to be sorted. After all, it would be nice to get it out of the way, but he wanted to see what he was supposed to do before making that horribly exposed trip up the dais himself. Remus’s priorities in life were to remain unobtrusive and unnoticed, and to avoid making a fool of himself, and he was well aware that unless he was very careful he was close to failing at both. Sirius, however, despite being near the top of the register, was hopping from foot to foot with impatience and muttering at “Abernathy, Euan” (“HUFFLEPUFF!”) to get a bloody move on. Then it was Bellatrix Black’s turn, and Sirius stopped jigging and watched her Sorting intently. The Sorting Hat had barely touched her head before it screamed, “SLYTHERIN!”, and the proud girl stood up, a smug smile on her lips. Sirius sighed. Remus caught Andromeda Black’s eye, and had to stifle an undignified giggle when she rolled her eyes and mouthed, “What a surprise!”

Sirius was next, and Remus found himself crossing his fingers as the handsome boy nervously made his way to the dais, his face pale but wearing an expression of feigned indifference. Remus didn’t know exactly what he was wishing for, except that whatever house Sirius was sorted into, Remus would be able to join him there and be part of his world for - well, for as long as Sirius wanted him. He heard James draw in his breath as the hat was lowered onto Sirius’ head, and realised he’d done the same. Let him be happy, he wished, silently, to whatever deity might be listening at that moment. And maybe let me be a bit happy too.

It felt as if Sirius had been sitting there for years, his face growing paler and paler as the seconds ticked slowly by. His knuckles were white where his fingers were gripping the edge of the stool, and he was biting his lip. Remus saw Bellatrix lean over and whisper something to a heavy-set boy to her right: they both glanced at Sirius and sniggered. The tension rose, as it always did when a Sorting took longer than expected; finally, the rip in the brim opened, and the Hat shouted, “GRYFFINDOR!” A cheer rose from the red and gold table at the far right of the hall, and then a volley of boos from the silver and green table at the far left. Bellatrix looked stunned, Andromeda delighted. Behind him, Remus felt James slump with – what? Relief? Disappointment? He shot a glance behind him, and saw an odd mixture of envy and pleasure on the scrawny boy’s face. When he looked back at the dais, Sirius had handed the hat back to Professor McGonagall and was stumbling dazedly down the steps. As he arrived at the Gryffindor table, a few of the boys clapped him on the shoulder, and Remus did not miss the furtive, admiring glances of the girls.

~*~

There are four of us in our dorm – me, Sirius, James, and a small, chubby boy called Peter Pettigrew. He is nice but terribly homesick and frightened. Sirius is very scornful of him, but comforts him in a disdainful, “pull-yourself-together” way. Sirius isn’t homesick – he doesn’t get on with his family and was glad to leave home. It’s sad, but having met his cousin Bellatrix I can understand it, if the rest of his family is like her. His other cousin, Andromeda, is very nice. She calls me “squirt” which is a bit embarrassing but it’s nice to know someone further up the school (she’s in the Fifth Year). Lessons start tomorrow – I’m so excited. Sirius says it’s a bore but I think he’s excited too. James is looking forward to the flying lessons most. I’m not. I’m scared of flying. But the lessons don’t start till next week, so I’m not thinking about it just now.

~*~

Their timetables arrived at breakfast the next morning, and the Great Hall was filled with swooping owls and the chatter of students comparing their lessons.

“So, what’s first, then?” Sirius asked him, his mouth full of fried egg and bacon.

“Transfiguration,” James replied, “with Professor McGonagall.”

“That should be fun. Then?”

“Charms, with Professor Zouch. Lunch is after Charms, then Herbology with Professor Juniper.”

At that moment, a large eagle owl swooped over the Gryffindor table and deposited a large, red, ominous-looking envelope on Sirius’s plate. He went very pale, and when he put his fork down it clattered against his plate.

“Better get it over with,” James said uneasily.

Sirius did so, his face set. He opened the envelope and immediately clamped his hands over his ears.

“SIRIUS BLACK, YOU HAVE DISGRACED YOUR FAMILY! JOINING THE HOUSE OF BLOOD-TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS AND OPENING YOURSELF TO CORRUPTION ... I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY NOW ... YOU WILL COME TO A STICKY END, MARK MY WORDS ... DOES THE FAMILY’S NAME MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? YOU DISGUST ME, AND YOU DISGUST YOUR FATHER! I SHOULD HAVE DROWNED YOU AT BIRTH, BEFORE YOU COULD GROW UP AND BETRAY US AND DISGRACE US AS YOU HAVE ... YOU ARE NO LONGER – MY - SON!”

Slowly, the echoes of the raucous shrieks died away, and conversations started up again.

“Who was that?” James whispered to a shaking Sirius.

“My mother,” Sirius replied hollowly. He stood up and stuffed his timetable into his bag. “I’ll see you in Transfiguration.” And with that, he stalked out of the hall, ignoring the heads that turned as he passed.

~*~

Almost before he knew it, Remus had been at Hogwarts a week. The time flashed by, and one reason why it went so quickly was the dizzying and mischievous influence of Sirius Black. By the time they had gone to bed on the first night at Hogwarts, Sirius and James had become fast – if somewhat unexpected – friends. Remus never really found out how or why they first bonded, but he suspected it had something to do with the way Sirius charmed James’s toothpaste to foam purple, presumably as some sort of character test. Remus expected James to be angry or hurt, but instead, the scrawny boy turned to Sirius and calmly asked him what charm he’d used. Sirius told him, James thought for a moment, then flicked his wand at the toothpaste, muttering something under his breath. That done, he said to Sirius, “Go on, brush your teeth.”

Never one to turn down a dare, Sirius grabbed his own toothbrush. James watched closely as Sirius squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and – rather tentatively – started to brush his own teeth. Nothing happened. Then Sirius opened his mouth, bared his teeth – and gave a bark of laughter. His teeth were purple. James grinned in pleasure. Sirius admired his teeth for a little while, then said:

“Do you suppose we can make them flash?”

And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Remus never expected to join the Black-Potter Axis. He even persuaded himself he didn’t want to, that he was perfectly content to orbit around the two of them like a moon around a star, enjoying the reflected warmth. Just having children his own age to talk to was pleasure enough. But it quickly became obvious that a quiet orbit wasn’t what James and Sirius intended for Remus, especially after their first Charms lesson.

The class had been told to sit in alphabetical order around the three walls of the classroom, and by chance, Sirius was sitting directly behind James, meaning that although they couldn’t talk to each other, they could pass notes easily, especially when it transpired that Professor Zouch was not only amiable but also short-sighted. It was just their luck, however, that the rudest note overshot James’s desk and fluttered softly to the floor in front of the Professor’s golden boots. As he bent creakily down to retrieve the note, muttering, “Well, well, what’s this then?” Remus felt himself leap to his feet.

“That’s mine, sir,” he heard himself say.

“Yours, Mr Lupin?” the old man said, blinking at him. “You were passing notes?”

Wondering desperately what he was doing and why, Remus continued, “No sir, that is a note, but I’m not passing notes. I had a stomach bug yesterday and I have to take a potion every three hours and I have to mark when I took it so Madam Pomfrey knows I’ve taken the right amount per day.” Steady, Remus, he thought, keep the lie simple. And, thank goodness Sirius folded the note!

“Oh! Well. Well, here you go then, Mr Lupin. Put it away now. This is a difficult charm, after all, and I need your full attention.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

The bell went five minutes later, and Remus immediately got up to leave, unable to face the others. They caught up with him outside, though, and each took one of his arms so he couldn’t escape.

“Well,” Sirius said, “who’s a little liar, then?”

“Why’d you do it, Remus?” James asked.

Remus felt himself shrinking under their fierce gaze, wishing the spotlight was not on him. “I- I don’t know,” he muttered. “It seemed – it was the right thing to do.”

“Quick thinking, there,” Sirius said. “Are you always that good at lying?”

“Yes.” When you’re a werewolf and you don’t want people to find out, you learn how to lie pretty quickly. “Yes, I am.”

And that was that. He didn’t expect any gratitude for what he’d done, and so was astounded when James and Sirius began to assume that he was part of their group, and even more so when Sirius clapped him on the shoulder that first Thursday and said, “We’re going to be famous at Hogwarts, Remus. We’ll be like those chaps in the book you’re reading - The Three Whatchamacallems!”

“Musketeers,” Remus murmured, but it was a half-hearted correction, since he was distracted by that glorious “we”. He swallowed it like a tonic, and he carried its golden warmth in his stomach for the rest of the day.

~*~

Letter from Remus Lupin to his parents, Sunday, 12th September 1971

I’ve been here a week now, and I’m very happy. It was hard to leave you, and I know you didn’t really want me to go, Mum, but I’m so grateful that you let me. I feel like I have a chance, now.

I’m also grateful that you could be here for my first transformation, especially because it was so soon. I don’t remember much, but you said it went very smoothly, and it was nice to see you when I woke up. Madam Pomfrey is very nice and very helpful. Sirius and the others don’t know. I told them I had a cold. Sirius looked a bit suspicious but then he got distracted by James casting jelly-legs on him. Don’t look like that, Mum, it’ll be fine.

We’ve had all our lessons. I like Defence Against the Dark Arts best, and also Transfiguration and Charms. I don’t like Potions. Sirius likes Potions, and James does too, which is lucky because they said I can use their notes if I get stuck. Sirius also likes Transfiguration, but he finds Astronomy boring. Herbology is good fun – just like gardening with you at home. None of us like History of Magic, because it could be interesting but the teacher’s very dull. He’s a ghost, but unfortunately that’s the most interesting thing about him. There are lots of ghosts at Hogwarts. They’re not scary – except for the Bloody Baron, the Slytherin ghost – but they do give you a fright if they come out of the walls without warning. A girl called Lily Evans jumped a mile today when a whole horde of ghosts suddenly poured out of a tapestry. She dropped all her books, and I helped her pick them up. She seems nice.

~*~

At times he was jealous of the bond Sirius and James shared. He felt odd and uncomfortable joining in their particular brand of silliness, and quickly stopped copying them, preferring to amble along in their wake and patch things up when it got out of hand. He felt that Sirius didn’t have as much fun with him as he did with James, and he minded that. They never deliberately excluded him, but they were on the same wavelength as each other, and although Remus’s overlapped theirs in certain places, he just didn’t think in the same way. His rational brain knew that that was why they were friends with him. His irrational jealousy forgot every time.

Still, there was one thing he shared with Sirius that James had no part of. The night after the Charms incident, Remus was lying in bed in the dark, staring at the tapestry ceiling of his four-poster, listening to Peter Pettigrew’s small snuffly snores, and wondering why he couldn’t sleep. He was about to fetch a book when the bed curtains opened and a hoarse voice whispered, “Remus?”

“Sirius?”

“Are you awake?”

“Erm – yes?”

“Good.” And with that, a heavy shape slipped inside and shut the hangings.

“Ouch! That’s my foot!”

“Sorry, sorry – here, Lumos.” A soft glow lit up the bed, and Sirius was suddenly visible, sitting by Remus’s feet, his hair on end and his face troubled. “Can I talk to you for a bit?” he asked, and Remus was so shocked at the difference between this Sirius and the Sirius of the daytime that he just nodded. Silence fell. Sirius was chewing his lip and avoiding Remus’ eyes. Remus decided to be patient; Sirius would talk when he wanted to. Meanwhile, Remus would make himself more comfortable. And get a midnight snack.

“Chocolate frog?” he offered, fetching one for each of them from his bedside table with a soft grunt of effort.

“Thanks,” Sirius replied, and bit into it, playing distractedly with the wrapper. Then he blurted: “Can you be homesick for a place you hate?”

Remus pondered this question with the care he thought it deserved. “Yes,” he replied eventually. “It’s just – it’s just one doesn’t miss good things, but bad things.” Encouraged by Sirius’ contemplative silence, he continued. “Homesickness is just missing what you’re used to, missing the routine of home – or whatever other place you’ve spent a lot of time in. I suppose prisoners feel odd when they leave prison after a long time, even if they’re happy to leave.”

Other people would have added, “Are you feeling homesick, then?” but Remus valued his own privacy too much to invade that of others. Not only that, but one of the benefits of being a werewolf was possessing a wild animal’s instincts. Right now, these instincts were telling Remus not to push this. If he went too far or too fast, Sirius would back off, and this tantalising opportunity – the golden vision of himself as trusted confidant – would be lost.

Again there was silence between them, but it was not awkward. Sirius seemed to be mulling over Remus’s answer, twisting the coloured cardboard of the Chocolate Frog wrapper round his fingers, and Remus was leaning against the headboard of the bed, watching Sirius. He felt charged with emotion and vibrantly alive, sharing this intimate moment with Sirius, secure in the knowledge that Sirius had sought out him - him, not James – with his problem.

“Do you miss your friends?” Sirius asked, after a while.

Dangerous ground.

This was why he’d never had friends. Friends asked awkward questions.

“I didn’t have friends,” he admitted, suddenly unable to meet Sirius’ penetrating gaze. “There weren’t many children where I lived, and my illness stopped me from going to school.”

When he dared look up, he saw that Sirius was gazing at him, his expressive face registering a heady mixture of disbelief, pity, and sorrow, and he immediately had to look away again to hide his own tumultuous emotions, especially when Sirius said, brightly, “Well, you’ve got us, now! We’re your friends, aren’t we? Besides, they were all silly Welsh children who spit when they talk.”

Remus smiled a bit at that, although he felt honour bound to correct his new friend. “They weren’t Welsh, it was more like Shropshire.”

“Whatever,” Sirius said, flippantly, looking up at Remus with shining eyes. “They didn’t recognise Remus’s value, so they can go to hell. Which they probably will anyway, being Welsh.”

Remus had to laugh.

~*~

And soon there were four. No one could really remember how it happened that Peter stopped being a small, cheerful, slightly annoying satellite and became a small, cheerful, slightly annoying friend. All Remus knew was that by Halloween Peter was treated as a trusted companion and ally and was no longer excluded from the dorm during James and Sirius’s weekly councils of war, which they spent planning the week’s exploits. He proved a useful addition to the council, his natural caution balancing out Sirius’ recklessness and James’ tendency to over-complicate matters. He also discovered the pranking gold-mine that was the library, and generously offered himself as a guinea-pig for the charms and hexes Sirius and James dug out from the old books. Besides all that, he was a pleasant and unassuming boy, quick to laughter and slow to take offence (although he was easy to hurt if you wanted to), and surprisingly intelligent behind his easy-going clumsiness. Remus liked him.

~*~

The only thing that worried Remus was his next transformation, due in the first week of October. He loved having friends, but the closer he got to James and Sirius and Peter, the more difficult it became to hide his secret. Remus had no worries about James (for someone so intelligent, he was surprisingly unobservant) or Peter (who was slightly in awe of Remus); it was Sirius that concerned him. Sirius had taken an inexplicable interest in Remus from the moment they met, and this scared him. When Dumbledore had come to Shropshire to discuss with Remus’s parents the possibility of his attending Hogwarts, he had never specifically said that Remus could not tell anyone about his condition. You must be careful, he had said, but he had never actively forbidden him from telling. And yet … and yet Remus knew that should Sirius and the others find out his secret, they would never speak to him again. Well then, he thought. They can just never find out.

How the hell am I going to manage that?



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Prologue | one | two